Changes
by Leiria
Summary: What would you do if you had the chance to go back in time and change an event, no matter how large or small? AU Slash
1. Part 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything related to it.**

**Changes**

**Part 1  
**

_What would you do if you had the chance to go back in time and change an event, no matter how large or small? Would you save a life? Would you change the past knowing the effect such an act may have on the future? Would you be able to succeed or would a person's fate remain unchanged? Would you even try?_

I sucked in a deep breath. The pounding in my chest was painful and I was absolutely certain it was about to beat its way out of my ribcage. I held my breath as I looked around me, taking in the onlookers and Hermione, standing directly in front of me. Behind her were Professor McGonagall and the rest of the Order of the Phoenix, or what was left of it anyway.

"Alright," Hermione sighed nervously. "It's time."

My hands clenched at my side, crumpling the letter I held in one of them. So much would change in the next few seconds and I didn't know if I was more scared than excited or vice versa.

One thing was for sure, a prophecy would be fulfilled.

Hermione began the spell that would change my life.

My surroundings began to swirl around me until the colors blended and changed as I traveled. It was almost like Apparating or using a Time Turner. More like a combination of both, to tell the honest truth.

Suddenly the sun was shining, there wasn't a cloud in the sky, and the castle I was standing in front of was whole, standing, and full of students.

For a moment I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I thought the spell had gone wrong and I was dreaming or something, but then, as I reached out and touched the castle gates, I knew the spell had been a success. I had really arrived, and Hogwarts was just as I remembered it from my schooldays. No piles of rubble, no smoking towers, no shattered windows or broken walls…

Hogwarts was whole.

I sighed deeply and opened the gates, the letter still clutched in my hand. I couldn't let that go, no matter what, until I met up with Dumbledore. That was what ensured that I stayed alive in this world.

I headed directly for Dumbledore's office. After what had happened, I couldn't quite believe I would be seeing him again. It was as though I were traveling through this—I wanted to call it a dream—in a daze, detached and disbelieving, though expectant and waiting.

Dumbledore was leaving as I neared his office. I froze for a moment, shocked at seeing him so young and healthy.

"James," he said, sounding surprised. "Why aren't you in class?"

"I'm not James," I said. "And I really need to talk to you, sir," I said. "It's urgent."

"I'm afraid I have more pressing matters," Dumbledore sighed. "I'm in a terrible hurry."

"Sir, it's about the future," I said as he started to walk away. He froze momentarily before he turned back to me. "What did you say?" he asked.

"The phoenix flies," I said softly. "And burns for the last time."

Dumbledore's face fell and turned to an ash color. "You're from the future?" he asked me. I nodded. "And Voldemort is taking over?" I nodded again. "Come."

"Why are you here?" Dumbledore asked once we'd sat down in his office and he'd served tea. In the distance, the bell rang.

I sighed and told him everything I knew from the prophecy to Voldemort and the Horcruxes. I told him of his death at the hands of Severus Snape, and then the truth behind it.

"It was an Unbreakable Vow," I said softly. "Severus was told to protect Malfoy and complete the job if necessary. He told me that you had once told him that he would be forced to make a choice. You said that the choice would be between his life and yours and you told him to save himself because of what he still needed to do. He said he didn't understand what you'd meant until he'd been forced to make the choice. I didn't understand either, at first…."

"What brings you here?"

I sighed. "Another prophecy," I said. "A chance to defeat Voldemort before it becomes too late for me. As it sits, according to the first prophecy, I'm the only one who can defeat him. According to the second one, I have to do it before I'm born."

I set the letter down on his desk. "That's from Minerva," I said. "It's supposed to confirm everything I've just told you."

Dumbledore opened the letter and scanned its contents. "You were studying to become an Auror before the school was shut down?" he asked.

I nodded. "It seemed like the only job for me," I confessed.

"How old are you?"

"Nineteen, sir," I answered.

"The school shut down at the end of your sixth year?" I nodded again. "What are your plans whilst you're here?"

I shrugged. "Find Voldemort and kill him," I said.

"And where were you planning on staying?"

"I hadn't really worked that part out," I confessed. "We were pressed for time and couldn't work out the details."

"Do you realize that if you save your parents, you'll no longer be the child of the prophecy?"

I nodded. "But that's why I'm not just saving them," I said. "I'm going to take down Voldemort before it's too late. As long as I take him down before he gets my parents, I'm still marked. If I stop him, technically _I_ am still marked, though the baby me won't be. But none of that really matters," I said, "because a wise man told me that it wasn't our qualities that defined us, it was our choices. Anyone can defeat Voldemort," I said, "as long as they know what to do. I've just got five very good reasons for being the one to do it."

"And those reasons are?"

"Lily, James, Sirius, Severus, and you," I answered matter-of-factly. "I've loved and lost and I don't want to go through that again."

Dumbledore sighed. "If you're going to have any hope, you'll need to be an Auror. In order to be an Auror, you need to complete your N.E.W.T. exams. In order to do that, you must be a student. Professor McGonagall has included your O.W.L. and other exam results. I will let you into Hogwarts as a student in your seventh year, however your appearance may cause a stir, as you do look remarkably like James Potter."

"So I've been told," I said dryly. I shrugged. "It may just run in the family."

Dumbledore chuckled, then became serious once again. "If I put you in Gryffindor looking like you do, the others will know that something is going on. Would you consider changing your appearance for the sake of your secret?"

I sighed. "Actually I would," I confessed. "I'll say I'm his cousin or something.

"What about your name?" Dumbledore asked. "Harry James Potter?"

"No middle name," I said. "And for the sake of secrecy, I'll change my last. Harry Porter."

"How long do you think you can hide the truth from four very curious teenagers?"

I smirked. "Don't worry," I said. "I know Sirius and Remus well enough to know how to hide things from them."

"What about Peter?"

An icy cold hatred filled the pit of my stomach. "I am not a man who would kill someone in cold blood," I said darkly, "but I would kill Peter Pettigrew in an instant if given the opportunity."

"Why?" Dumbledore asked, just as darkly.

"Because he's the man who sold my parents to Voldemort," I said. "But don't get me wrong, I wont do anything until he does it—again."

"You had better not," Dumbledore said. It was the first time the cold and deadliness in his voice had been directed at me and I was almost fearful.

"The times change you," I said softly. "The Dumbledore I knew called himself a blind fool. Don't drop your guard if Voldemort kills my parents. And when you're faced with telling an eleven year-old boy why a man such as Voldemort would be after him, don't hide the truth. Tell him. Don't let the Death Eaters do it for you."

I stood. "So," I asked, "am I still a student? Or do you not trust me any longer?"

"Trust?" Dumbledore asked. "I trust you, dear boy," he said. "And I will continue to do so until you prove to me that I cannot."

The bells rang again. "You'll know soon enough," I said.

"You'll receive your schedule tomorrow morning at breakfast," he said. "You've been Sorted into Gryffindor and in Gryffindor you shall stay. The password is Quidditch."

I nodded and left.

As it turned out, that last bell had been the lunch bell. I saw the students gathered as I passed the Great hall to make my way outside. I wanted nothing to do with any of them. I didn't want to see my parents, Sirius, Remus, my professors, and I _really_ didn't want to see Severus. I sighed and pulled open the doors.

I didn't have a clue where my feet were taking me and I never would, seeing as I was jerked around before I'd arrived. I knew who it was before I saw his face.

"Who the hell are you?" Sirius asked.

"Name's Harry," I answered, pulling out of his grasp. I turned back around and continued on my way.

Sirius grabbed my arm again. "What are you doing here?" he demanded. "Why do you look like James?"

"Who?" I asked, feigning ignorance.

Sirius chuckled. "You're a Death Eater, aren't you?" he demanded harshly.

"I would rather die," I growled, "than join a man who believes in the pointless slaughter of all Muggleborn witches and wizards. Nothing on this earth could make me turn to him."

Sirius smirked. "That's what Bella said," he informed me. "But that was _before_ she got branded."

I rolled up my left sleeve and showed Sirius the underside of my arm. "Happy?" I demanded. I realized in that moment that there had been more to Sirius and Bellatrix's relationship than the fact that they were cousins. "I've seen too much to make me turn," I said.

"How?" Sirius demanded.

"He killed my parents," I said. "He killed my entire family and everyone I have ever loved. No matter where I go, he finds me."

"Why would he be after someone like you?" Sirius asked.

"He's not," I said simply. "I'm after him."

"That what brought you here?"

I nodded. "Can I go now?" I asked. "Or am I still under interrogation?"

"One more question," Sirius said with a smirk. "What House are you in?"

I gave him one of my own smirks. "What makes you think I'm a student?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Just a hunch."

I chuckled. "Gryffindor," I said.

"Ah," he said in a way that led me to believe that he knew a hell of a lot more than he'd ever let on. "Come on," he said. "I'm going to introduce you to the rest of the Marauders."

I met my dad for the first time that day.

"We can't go this month," James was saying. I stood outside of the dormitory, listening. "Now that Harry's here, it's too risky. He'll know something's going on, he's just like us."

Sirius let out a sound of frustration. "We _have_ to go," he said. "It's our fourth anniversary, not just for Remus and I but for going out with him. With everything that's happened, he _needs_ us there this month." I gasped, not knowing anything like this had ever happened between my godfather and his best friend. "I'm going," he said with a note of finality in his voice. "With or without either of you."

James sighed. "Harry open the bloody door already," he said. "I know you're out there."

Before I could open, the door, James had.

I chuckled nervously. "Hi," I said.

"How long were you standing out there?" Sirius demanded as James pulled me into the dorm and shut the door.

I shrugged. "A little while," I answered.

"If you say one word," Sirius threatened, "about anything you heard, I will bloody well kill you."

I glared at him. "If I wanted to say anything about Remus being a werewolf, I'd have done so when I arrived," I spat.

"How did you know?" Remus asked.

I sighed. "Lunar calendar was a blatant clue," I began. "You've got gray in your hair, you smell the air in a room as you enter it just to make sure it's safe, and all week you've been sleeping curled up at the foot of your bed—like a wolf."

"How'd you know all that stuff?" Sirius demanded. "I'm his boyfriend and _I_ didn't know!"

"Friend of mine back home's a werewolf," I said. "He taught me what to look for."

"So you won't say anything if we all disappeared, would you?"

"Why would you go running with a werewolf?" I asked, pretending I didn't know what was going on. "You'll either be killed or turned."

"Only if you're human," Sirius said.

"You are," I answered.

"Actually, we're Animagi," Peter said. "Even if we got hurt—"

"I know," I snapped.

"What's your problem with Peter?" Sirius demanded, like any protective big brother would. "What's he done to you?"

"I know a rat when I see one," I spat.

"Pete wouldn't hurt a fly," James said. "You're wrong about him."

I sighed. "You'll see," I said. "Soon enough." With that, I turned on my heel and left the dormitory. I was nearly to the portrait hole when my mother called out "James?"

"Harry!" I snapped, storming out.

As I was walking, I ran into Severus.

"Potter," he said simply.

"Wrong," I answered. "The name's _Porter_."

It was so hard to just stand there as though I didn't know him. Everything inside of me was screaming at me to wrap my arms around him and kiss him, but I couldn't. My Severus had died three weeks prior to my trip through time. This was the first time I had seen him in over a month and I wanted nothing more than to hold him again.

"Are you just as evil?" he asked.

I shook my head. I could feel tears burning at my eyes and I knew I had too get the hell out of there if I wanted to keep my presence and purpose a secret. "Never," I said, my voice rough with emotion. The desire to reach out and hold him was unbearable.

"Why do I feel like I know you?" he asked.

"Because you do," I said thickly. I couldn't help myself any longer. I knew I shouldn't be saying this, but this was my soul mate, for Merlin's sake! I couldn't keep the truth from him.

"From where?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Not where," I said. "When."

"When?" he repeated. "What the bloody hell does _that_ mean?"

I wanted to tell him. I wanted the world to know. I wanted to be with him again.

I wanted it so badly that I was shaking.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, moving to walk away.

He reached out and grabbed my wrist and my breath hitched in my throat. I froze and he pulled me closer to him. I was so close I could feel his breath on my face and I was close to being thrown overboard.

"I have a plan," he said softly. "When I die, my memories will be sent to my younger self on my eighteenth birthday. That was three weeks ago," he said. "The day you showed up. What I don't understand is why—and _how_—you're here."

"Why what?" I asked. "Why I'm here or why I'm exactly as you remember?"

"Both."

"I came back through time to defeat Voldemort," I said in no more than a whisper. Even though the corridor was entirely empty, I didn't want to risk saying the words any louder. "You being here is…Merlin, it's the only reason I agreed."

"But how are you a student?" he asked. "You're nearly twenty."

I chuckled. "I've still got until next summer before I'm twenty," I said. "It's only November. Dumbledore's letting me study so that I can pass my N.E.W.T.s and become an Auror."

"You do that and you've lost," Severus whispered harshly.

"If I don't, I'm in Azkaban!" I hissed. "I can't risk that."

Severus sighed. "I don't really know what's going on," he said softly, "or why you mean so bloody much to me, but what I know is going to change my life. I swear to you, I will not become a Death Eater."

I laughed and wrapped my arms around him. "Thank Merlin," I whispered.

"I'm going to help you," he swore, wrapping his arms around my waist. "I'll be there every step of the way like I wasn't before."

"That means James, Sirius, and Remus, you know that, don't you?"

He nodded. "I know," he said softly.

I couldn't believe how good it felt to have him back in my arms. I couldn't believe that he _was_ back in my arms. When he died…

I shoved those thoughts away. That was the past now. Well, technically it was the future.

I wanted to kiss him, but I held myself back. I didn't really know what this Severus was like and if I made any move he wasn't willing to accept, I knew I could lose him forever.

"This is…rather revolting."

I whipped around to see Sirius leaning against the wall, my father's invisibility cloak in his hands.

"How much did you hear?" I demanded by way of greeting.

"Not much," Sirius said with a shrug. "Enough to find out what you're doing here and that that Snivellus has given up his Death Eater ways."

"You know why I'm here?" I asked.

He nodded. "I believe your exact words were: I came back through time to defeat Voldemort. I knew something wasn't right about you the moment I saw you," Sirius said. "Remus knows it too, he can smell it. I wondered why you had James written all over you and now I know. You're his son. And you are betraying him by being with that slime ball."

"No," I said strongly. "I'm making up for every bloody thing you and my father put him through," I said, standing protectively in front of Severus. "I'm not betraying my father because this has nothing to do with him. It's my bloody choice and I'll make it."

"What did James think anyway?" Sirius asked.

"James died when I was a year old," I spat. "Thanks to Pettigrew."

"Pete?" Sirius asked doubtfully. "What are you on about?"

"Pettigrew sold my parents to Voldemort because he became their Secret Keeper and had the ability."

"If what you say is true, you've got a flaw in the story. If James needed a Secret Keeper, he'd pick _me_. I'm his brother. Besides, Pete wouldn't hurt a fly."

"He did pick you," I answered. "But you told him to switch because Dumbledore tipped you off to the fact that someone was a spy. You all thought it was Remus because of his lycanthropy, so you chose Pettigrew, thinking nothing could go wrong there. After all, _Pete wouldn't hurt a fly_."

"He wouldn't!" Sirius insisted.

"Then why is he a Death Eater?" Severus asked from behind me.

"He's not!"

"He is," I said strongly.

"Bella took him," Severus said.

"And she didn't take you?" Sirius growled.

"I chose not to go," he said. "It was the day I turned 18. They all think I'm a coward now. I choose my eighteenth birthday because I wanted to know what it was like to be a Death Eater before I made the choice to do so. I'm surprised to know that Pettigrew is still alive in twenty years after seeing what it was like."

Sirius sighed heavily. "So you're one of the good guys then?" Sirius asked. Severus nodded and Sirius sighed again. "Well, if we're going to be on the same side," he held out his hand for Severus to shake, "I'm sorry. For everything I have ever done to you."

Severus sighed. Reluctantly, he reached out and accepted Sirius' hand. "Apology accepted," he said.

I started to laugh. I kept laughing until I realized they were both looking at me in shock. I cleared my throat. "Sorry," I said. "You two don't realize who many times we tried to get you to do this. If I knew it would be this easy, I'd have come back years ago—my time, not yours."

"In your time, it was too late," Severus said softly. "We'd hated each other for too long to put that aside."

I nodded. "I know," I said softly.

Sirius chuckled and shook his head. "Both of you get out of here," he said, pulling the cloak back on. I reached for Severus' hand and led him to his favorite place in the world.

There's a small river that flows out from the lake. It goes into the Forbidden Forest and there's a tiny clearing with a large boulder on the bank of the river. I had come here soon after visiting Godric's Hollow and Severus had found me. This was where our life had begun.

"How do you know about this place?" Severus asked.

"Lucky accident," I said, hoping Severus' next words would be what my Severus had always said when I said that.

"There are no accidents," he said. I felt tears burn at my eyes. He really was the same person.

Severus looked around confused. "We started dating here," he said softly.

I nodded, the memory painful. This wasn't just where we started dating. This had so many memories attached to it and I was beginning to wonder why I had come here.

I felt tears burn at my eyes and I closed them, not wanting to see this place or that man.

"How did I die?" Severus asked.

"Don't ask me that," I pleaded, tears falling. "Please don't ever ask me that." It hurt far too much.

"Harry, please," Severus said. "I need to know."

I let out a sob and sat down on the boulder. "Don't you get it?" I demanded. "You died only a month ago for me! I was holding you in my arms as you bled to death! There was _nothing_ I could do no matter how hard I tried and you told me to stop, to let you go. You killed me that night and you're the only thing I have thought about for the last month. I can't live without you, Severus, and I don't know if I'll ever have you again."

Severus walked over to me and kissed me. I don't know what killed me more in that instant. The fact that I was kissing him, or that in a way I felt like I was betraying him. After all, these two people were walking different paths now. They were different people. I didn't know what to do. I was torn between my grief and my elation. I felt like I was being pulled in a thousand different directions and each one led to him.

Severus pulled away slightly. "You have me," he said softly.

I let out another sob, not knowing if it was from pain or relief. I wrapped my arms around him and he held me close.

That night I dreamed about him, about the night that we started dating. That was the night that I gave Severus my virginity. We were at the stream; we'd been talking for hours. I had been surprised at how easy he was to talk to. It seemed we could talk about anything, except for the reason we were avoiding each other and yet made a point to see each other at least once a day.

Finally, Severus asked if I was single. I nodded, feeling my stomach tie up in a thousand knots. The one question started everything.


	2. Part 2

_What would you do if you had the chance to go back in time and change an event, no matter how large or small? Would you save a life? Would you change the past knowing the effect such an act may have on the future? Would you be able to succeed or would a person's fate remain unchanged? Would you even try?_

I woke the next morning to find that I had been crying in my sleep and that I was in desperate need of a cold shower. I sighed in relief at hearing my father and his friends all still snoring—thus still sleeping—and got out of bed. That was when I saw Sirius and Remus lying next to each other and I felt the anger and frustration bubble up inside me. Why couldn't the rest of us have that? Why couldn't Severus and I have that? Overcome with jealousy, I headed to the shower.

"To four years as brothers," Sirius said, raising his goblet high. All four of them drank.

I sat at the window, watching as the sun began to sink behind the trees of the forest. Remus stood, after sharing an intimate moment with Sirius and announced that it was time for him to go. Remus and Sirius kissed again and Remus left.

"Here," Sirius said, handing me a goblet of Butterbeer. He sat down on the window ledge with me and looked out. "This is the hard part," he said. "The waiting. It's worse when I have to see him transform but the fact that I can't see him just yet is sheer agony."

I shook my head. "Agony comes when the man you love dies in your arms and you know you're never going to see him again."

"Remus dies?" Sirius asked, taking my meaning wrong.

I shook my head. "No," I said. "Severus does."

"So then, you didn't think about that when you came here?"

"Actually it was the only reason I agreed," I confessed. "He died a month before we heard about the prophecy and decided to send me here."

"Prophecy?"

"The clues for how to defeat him before it's too late. If he gets to me again and his body and soul are separated again, it'll be too late."

"How so?"

"I really don't know," I confessed. "Things were bad when I left. Hogwarts was gone, Dumbledore was dead, and the Ministry was completely run over, Diagon Alley, Hogsmeade, even Godric's Hollow…they were all taken. He was even taking Muggle places. There was a bridge, King's Cross…Voldemort was even threatening Buckingham Palace."

"There's no way Hogwarts could be destroyed," Sirius said matter-of-factly.

"I used to think that way too," I said softly. "Thank Merlin you died before you saw it happen. The Order moved into the castle after Dumbledore died. Voldemort attacked the castle, killing nearly everyone inside…. Trelawney made the prophecy and I came back here."

"Severus died at Hogwarts, didn't he?"

I shook my head. "No, he died before. He and I were going to destroy the last Horcrux and Voldemort was there, waiting. We fought him and he got the upper hand. I was bound to a wall…I couldn't move. He had Severus…. 'I thought I could trust you,' he said." My voice was beginning to crack. " 'But you've betrayed me in ways I never thought possible.' I screamed for him to take me, to leave Severus alone…. He looked up at me and laughed. Severus was kneeling in front of him and he cast the curse. It was a curse Severus created here," I said softly. "He bled to death in my arms and there was nothing I could do. I knew then that Voldemort would take everything from me before he came for me himself."

"Severus died in your arms?" Sirius asked.

I nodded. "I used every healing spell I could think of and nothing helped. We didn't have the right potion to stop the bleeding because neither one of us had ever expected anyone to use that curse against us. I couldn't do anything…" I whispered, wiping the tears away. "_That_ is agony," I said in a whisper. "Not what you're faced with monthly."

"Sirius," James called.

"What?" Sirius asked, looking at my father.

"Time."

I watched as they left and waited until the door was shut before I walked over to the bathroom and opened the door. Severus looked up at me with a shocked look on his face, possibly not expecting it to be me. I saw the relief show on his features as he stood and walked over to me. "What's wrong?" he asked softly.

I shook my head and forced myself to smile. "Nothing," I said.

"You really do love me, don't you?" he asked.

I was caught off guard by the oddness of the question. "Yes," I said slowly. "Why?"

He sighed. "I heard what you told Sirius," he informed me. My eyes widened in shock. "A spell," he said quickly. "I wanted to know what was going on…."

"Well now you know what happens to you," I said softly.

"And I know why you didn't want to tell me," he said. "But why tell Sirius if you can't tell me?"

"Because Sirius isn't you," I said softly. "I can tell him because I don't have to look at him and see your face. I don't have to look at him and be haunted by you."

"The problem is me then?" he asked.

"No the problem is me and the fact that I still haven't wrapped my brain around the fact that I'm living in the seventies and you're not dead. My head still thinks it's two-thousand."

He sighed and wrapped his arms around me. "And I'm not twenty years older than you anymore," he said softly.

I shook my head and pulled away from him. "That doesn't matter," I said. "Age never did, not with us. It was just a number. What mattered was what was in here," I said, resting my fist against my heart. "That's all that matters to me now," I said.

He kissed me then, and all thought flew from my mind.

It was like the first time, all over again.

*

"Holy shit!"

My eyes snapped open and I sat up only to find the worst thing to ever happen to me. I was in bed with Severus, and my _father_ stood in front of me, his jaw hanging open, a look of utter shock and disgust on his face.

"Fuck," I hissed.

"What the hell is this?" James demanded.

"What does it look like?" I snapped.

"C'mon, James," Sirius said, trying to pull my father from the room.

James rounded on him. "You knew?" he demanded.

Sirius nodded. "Yeah, I knew," he said. "Now before you blow like you did before, let's go down to the common room."

"Get that slime out of here," James ordered with a hateful and vindictive look at Severus.

"Watch your mouth, Potter," I snarled. "You get out."

"Who do you think you are?" my father demanded, pulling himself out of Sirius' hold and taking a step toward us. "You may be a seventh year, but you don't have any right to tell me what to do! I've been here longer!"

"And I don't give a shit!" I shouted.

"You don't have any right to tell me what to do!"

I snatched my wand from the table and pointed it at my father. "Don't make me hex you," I said darkly. "And don't try me. Now leave," I said in a forced-calm way. "Let us get dressed so that we can talk about this in a _civilized_ fashion."

"You have ten minutes," he said. "And I want that slime ball gone."

"That _slime ball_ has a name," I growled. "Use it."

"Look, James," Sirius said, trying to stop the fight that was sure to come, "Snape hasn't really ever done anything to us. We attacked him. Maybe it's time you listen to Lil and let him be. Remember? She's not going to give you a chance until you do."

James sighed heavily. "The things I do for women," he muttered, turning and leaving. Sirius pulled a face as Peter walked out as well.

Peter looked back before the door shut. His eyes met Severus' and the look on his face was one I would not expect from him if I had not known the truth.

Sirius turned to us. "Get dressed," he said. "Then come down." He sighed. "Are you sure you can't tell James who you are?" he asked.

I glared at him. "How would you react if you had a son that magically turned up one day claiming to be your son and you already didn't like him very much?" I asked. "Especially after you just found him in bed with someone you had spent most of your time hating?"

Sirius nodded. "Maybe someday then," he said softly, turning and leaving.

It was only after the door had shut that I showed how much my father finding me like this actually affected me. I groaned as I flopped back onto my pillow before I grabbed it and pulled it over my head. "My God, I hate my life," I said into the pillow.

Severus chuckled. "It could have been worse," he said.

I pulled the pillow away from my face and glared at him. "How so?" I demanded.

"Well if they had come back any earlier…"

"Oh God I don't even want to think about that," I said, throwing the pillow across the room. I sat up again and sighed.

"Neither do I," Severus said, sitting as well. "The fact that Potter has seen so much is enough to make me want to crawl into a hole and stay there forever."

"You know, there's very little now that I've seen that he hasn't," I said with a shrug.

"How did you know that?" Severus demanded.

"You, teaching me Occlumency, and you left your pensive out for me to find," I said. "Saw the memory and got right to that part when you showed up, furious, and didn't speak to me for a week. In fact, you threw a pickled something at me and I ran for my life."

Severus chuckled.

"I take it you don't remember everything then," I said softly.

"There's a lot I don't know," Severus confessed. "Most of it is just thoughts and feelings. I have a few vivid images from the Death Eater stuff. Enough to change my mind, anyway. There are a few memories of teaching at Hogwarts with everyone hating me, but it's all vague. I remember you and I remember my feelings, and being with you is making me feel what I felt then…or whatever," he said, shaking his head slightly.

"And then, after hearing what you told Black, I can remember my death," he said softly. I felt my heart skip a beat and I didn't want him to continue. I moved to get out of bed and get dressed, but he grabbed my wrist, holding me there. "I know what you said," he said softly.

I took in a shaking breath, the tears ready to fall. I swallowed the lump in my throat. "You heard that?" I asked in a shaking whisper.

"I know I never told you," he said softly, "but I want you to know it now. I love you too. Not even death can change that."

I shut my eyes to the pain and turned my back to him, the tears falling. I couldn't take it anymore. When he placed his hand on my back, I completely lost it. He wrapped his arms around me and I held him as though if I let go I'd die.

At that moment, I truly believed I would.

"I've waited so long to hear you say that," I whispered.

Later, in the common room, I watched a miracle take place right in front of my eyes. James, my father, the man who hated Severus almost as much as he hated Voldemort, held out his hand in friendship. "I was wrong," he said. "I'm sorry."

Severus took his hand, much to the shock of the gathered Gryffindors. "Me too," he said.

I stood back, smiling slightly. I couldn't really believe what I was seeing, but I couldn't be more proud of both of them than I was in that moment.

"Oh my God," someone whispered softly. Everyone turned to Lily. Smiling, she walked up to James. "It's about time," she said softly. She reached up behind his neck and pulled him into a kiss. I realized that I hadn't come back in time my parents would have taken much longer in getting together. I had, in essence, inadvertently brought my parents together because of my relationship with Severus.

Severus and I retreated to our spot shortly after that. We were quiet the entire way and both knew exactly where we were going without discussing it first. My thoughts were running circles around each other and I couldn't see where they were going. We sat down by the river and it was almost as though I were back in my time with my Severus.

After a while, Severus spoke.

"I thought I lost you once," he said softly. "When I killed Dumbledore. After you disappeared, I thought I'd never see you again. When I returned to the Order with Draco—and nearly died because of it—to explain why I did what I had…they told me you had been there that night. The thought that you had seen me kill, that you had seen how cruel I could be…it shattered me. I loved you even then," he said softly.

"I was sure that you would kill me if we ever met up again," he said softly. "I knew that that was the only way for me to die in that instant. With you. Either by your side or by your wand."

For a moment, he sounded just like my Severus. He sounded just like the man who had died in my arms.

"When I was giving you Occlumency lessons," he said softly, "I got the first glimpses into your mind and I realized how wrong I was about you. I realized that you really weren't your father. That was when I began to realize that I loved you. Learning who you were, learning about the parts of your life that were so much like mine, I began to realize that you were better than James. You never once did anything to Draco that was anything like what James did to me, with the exception of using my curse on him in your sixth year. You surpassed him…"

"Were you comparing me to him?" I asked.

Severus shook his head. "No," he said softly. "I was admiring your strength. I was impressed with your ability to prove me wrong about the sins of the father being passed to the son."

It was then that it hit me. No matter who this Severus was, no matter that this was the same person I had loved before, this was a different man. My Severus would never tell me these things. My Severus never told me he loved me because he couldn't and he was okay with that because he knew I knew he did. My Severus would never tell me about his thoughts or feelings when it came to us because he didn't know how and had spent so much of his life keeping those things to himself. My Severus would never have admitted anything that this Severus had just done.

I wasn't sure what to think about this. A part of me was elated that this Severus could tell me these things, that he was able to confide in me in ways that mine had not, and yet…a part of me was oddly disturbed by it.

"I'm not him," Severus said softly. I was shocked to hear that there were tears in his voice and even more shocked when I looked up and saw those tears fall. "That's what you're thinking, isn't it?" he asked. "Because it's true," he said, looking down at his clasped hands. "I'm not him. I'm not the Severus you fell in love with. That's why you're torn. I'm not him."

His words broke my heart. "Severus," I said helplessly.

"No, Harry," he said. "I understand." He stood and I realized in horror what he was doing. After all, it's what the Severus of my time would do.

"No," I said, standing quickly and stepping in front of him. "For the love of God, Severus, don't."

His black eyes met mine and I saw all the pain that existed between us in their echoing depths. Those eyes welled up with tears and spilled over. "I'm not him," he said yet again, driving the truth even deeper into my already shattered self. "Nothing you can do will bring him back to life, Harry," he said angrily. "I have his memories, his feelings, but they're not mine! You don't love _me,_ you love _HIM!_" he shouted, causing me to jump. "You're not going to love me."

I was frozen. I felt the hot tears fall down my face as I stared at him in shock. I wanted to deny what he said. I wanted to tell him that it wasn't true, but I couldn't because it was true. He wasn't my Severus and it didn't matter how much I wanted it, he was right.

It wasn't until he started to walk away that I did or said anything.

"Severus, stop," I said, praying that he would listen to me.

He turned. "What?" he asked, his voice rough with emotion.

I turned to face him. "I love _you,_" I said, my voice shaking. "And I love him too," I continued. "I can't change that. I can change what happens now. I can stop comparing you. I can stop living in my past and start living now, but I can't do it alone." The tears continued to fall as I spoke and prayed that he wouldn't leave me. "I can't do this without you. You're keeping me sane, you're keeping me alive. If I have to go one day without you there, without knowing that you're with me, if I have to go one day being able to see you but not have any part of you, I'll die. I can't take that. I can't take you not being there. The very thought of losing you absolutely kills me. The very thought of you hating me, of you leaving me, of you disappearing…I can't take it. I can't think like that because I know that if I do, I'll lose it. And this is _you_ I'm talking about. Not the Severus that died in my arms."

"How?" he demanded. "How can you when you've known this me for only three days?"

"They say it takes an hour to get to know someone," I said, "A day to love them, and a lifetime to forget them. I don't know about you, but I believe in love at first sight. I love you, and I'll do anything I have to in order to keep you, even if that means letting you go. Though that alone would kill me."

Severus looked away from me. I continued. "You say you have his memories and feelings," I said. "You say that you thought you lost me once when you killed Dumbledore, but that wasn't you. How do I know that I'm not the one for you?" I asked. "How does anyone? Maybe the Severus of my time wasn't the one that was meant for me. Maybe you are. What do you say we start over?" I asked. "Right from hello and forget all of this?"

I couldn't lose him…I just couldn't.

Severus finally looked back up at me and held out his hand. "Hi," he said with a shy smirk. "My name's Severus," he said.

I smiled and took his offered hand. "I'm Harry," I said, fighting tears.

*

December came quickly and with it, the winter holiday. I couldn't believe that this would be the first Christmas I wouldn't spend with Ron and Hermione. I was beginning to miss them more than I thought I would. Classes were tough, and some of what I knew I couldn't use. I was forced to abandon what I knew because that was future knowledge. And I constantly forgot that this age didn't have the Wolfsbane potion. I slipped once right before the break and told Remus about it.

"A potion that would let me keep my mind during the full moon?" Remus asked.

"They have it where I'm from," I said quickly. "You really don't have it here?"

Remus gave me the look he gave me every time I mentioned anything from 'where I'm from'. "And where are you from?" he demanded. "You never say."

"I'm an Aussie," I said quickly. It was the only place I could think of where the people had roughly the same accent as the English do.

"Really? Because you've got an _English_ accent. I have family in Australia. I can hear the difference."

"Harry just tell him," Sirius sighed. "Remus is safe, he won't say anything."

I glared at Sirius. "You aren't even supposed to know," I said. "Neither is Severus."

"What are you two on about?" Remus asked. He turned to Sirius. "What are you hiding from me?"

I sighed. "Remus, I'm from the future," I said quietly.

He snapped back around to me. "You really are James' son then," he said, not surprised. "I knew it. You smell too much like him to be the possible cousin you claim to be." He hesitated. "Lily's your mother," he said softly.

I nodded. "The eyes, I know," I said.

"Wait a minute," Sirius said. "When you said that you knew about Remus' lycanthropy and that a werewolf you knew back home told you what to look for…"

"It was Remus," I said, nodding.

"What's it like?" Remus asked. "How much changes?"

I sighed. I knew that if I told them, I could be in serious trouble, but at that moment I didn't care. "1982 Voldemort kills Lily and James and gives me this scar," I said pointing to my forehead. "Everyone thinks he's dead, they think that when he tried to kill me, I destroyed him. I am the only person ever to survive the Killing Curse. That's where my problem with Pettigrew comes from. He's a Death Eater and he's the one who sold my parents to Voldemort." They flinched and I realized that they had the first time I mentioned Voldemort's name as well. "You two change quite a bit," I said. "For one, you quit flinching at that name and start saying it." They looked at each other surprised. "Sirius, you're blamed for selling them out because Pettigrew shouts that you're the one that did it before he blows up half of the street, killing 12 Muggles, and leaving behind a finger. Lives as my best mate's rat for the next 12 years and is exposed when you break out of Azkaban—first ever to do so—and we almost had him when he escaped because Remus forgot to take his Wolfsbane Potion. Severus is a complete ass at the time and is the one that tries to take you to the Dementors. Voldemort returns in my fourth year after Cedric Diggory and I win the Triwizard Tournament and are transported to a graveyard where Pettigrew brings him back. Sirius, you die a year later at the Ministry of Magic. You're dueling Bellatrix in the Death Room and fall behind the veil. You were there to save me and Remus stops me before I follow you. A year after that, Severus kills Dumbledore because he has no other choice. Dumbledore told him long before that that he would be forced to make that choice and that he needed to choose his life over Dumbledore's. Everything falls apart after that. Voldemort starts to win. That's why I'm here. To stop him before it becomes too late."

They both stared at me in shock. I don't think either of them expected me to say anything like that.

"So when the time comes, we make you Secret Keeper," Sirius said softly.

I shook my head. "If I die the secret dies with me," I said. "One of you two will have to do it."

"You don't expect to live?" Remus asked.

I shook my head. "You can only survive a killing curse once," I said. "And I have no idea what's going to happen when that prophecy comes to term."

"Then what do we do?" Remus asked. "We can't have Peter be the Keeper, not if he's going to betray us."

"One of you," I said simply. "Or Dumbledore."

Sirius sighed. "I know you and Snape both say that Pete's a Death Eater, but I just can't believe it," he said. "Pete's too…he doesn't have it in him."

"No, he doesn't," I agreed. "But he follows you three around like a lost pup because you're stronger, more powerful, and smarter than he is. He follows those who are stronger than he is so that he doesn't get hurt and seems more than he really is. I've _seen_ him grovel at Voldemort's feet. I watched him cut off his own hand to bring Voldemort back. I promise you, he _is_ a Death Eater."

"Sirius, Harry's not lying," he said. "I saw Pete's Dark Mark once, but it was so quickly that I wasn't sure I saw anything so I didn't say anything. We have to tell James. His life hangs in the balance."

"No," I said strongly. "James and Lily are the two people who _can't_ know. How would you react if I were your son and telling you all of this?" I asked. "You'd freak. You wouldn't believe me, and you'd do everything you could to prove me wrong until it became too late for you to realize that I was right. You'd think I was a Death Eater trying to set up a trap. And why not? First time I talked to Sirius he accused me of being a Death Eater. Hell, I'm nearly twenty. Why would I be here?"

"You're nearly twenty?" Sirius asked in shock.

I nodded. "Next July," I said.

"So why are you here?" Remus asked.

"To get my N.E.W.T.s so that I can be an Auror," I said.

"I told you, you do that and you'll die." Startled, I turned to the doorway where I saw Severus. "Why don't you believe me?"

"What do you mean by that?" I asked. "If I don't become an Auror, I'll be thrown in Azkaban for the things I have to do."

"First off, they'll never believe you and they'll put you in St. Mungo's," Severus said, walking into the dorm. "Second, those memories I've got tell me that the Death Eaters are going to attack Auror headquarters in two years time. You'll be there, fresh from the academy, and you'll end up like all of them."

"What?" Remus asked, looking at Severus as though _he_ were the one who should be tossed in the psychiatric ward of St. Mungo's.

"When I turned 18 I got my memories from the future," Severus said. "Almost wish I hadn't because they're fucking with _my_ memories."

"But if you hadn't, you'd be a Death Eater," I said softly.

He looked away and sighed. "There's really nothing saying that someday I wont be," he said softly.

"What?" I demanded, standing.

"I don't want to," he nearly yelled. "But at any moment something could happen and I could easily turn. That is why Dumbledore never let me teach Defense, Harry," he said. "He knew I could turn back. And I nearly did," he said. "When I thought I'd lost you, I nearly turned back."

"Wait a second," Remus said. "You two dated in the future?"

Sirius nodded.

"But he's twenty years older!" Remus hissed.

"You never did like it much," I said turning to him. "In fact you hated me for a while. Called me a traitor and everything." I turned back to Severus and walked over to him. "Severus, please," I said, holding his head in my hands and resting my forehead against his. "Please, for the love of all things—for us—fight whatever it is inside of you that makes you want to be a part of them. I couldn't handle it if I lost you to that."

He sighed and wrapped his arms around my waist and I wrapped mine around his neck.

"I'll do my best," he whispered in my ear.

I spent the holiday with Severus in my dormitory. Sirius and Remus went to Remus' parent's house, James and Lily had gone together, and Pettigrew was doing something with his family.

I was amazed at how different the two Severuses were. I kept finding new things about this Severus that the other one didn't have and I loved him more for those things. He was so much more open with me than the other. This Severus didn't have all of the horrors the other one did and he was a different person for it.

I had thought the Severus of my time was the most beautiful man I had ever seen, but I see this one, and I'm awed by him. Everything about him is…gods it's amazing. I never wanted the vacation to end because I knew that when it did we would have to go back to what we had before. Nearly nothing.


	3. Part 3

_What would you do if you had the chance to go back in time and change an event, no matter how large or small? Would you save a life? Would you change the past knowing the effect such an act may have on the future? Would you be able to succeed or would a person's fate remain unchanged? Would you even try?_

The end of the year came far sooner than I would have anticipated. It was as if one day it was the end of January and the next it was the first of May and we were getting ready to take our N.E.W.T.s. In the months that flew, I realized why so many people loved my parents. They truly were amazing people. When Lily found out that Remus was a werewolf, she gave him a hug and told him that things would be different someday and he wouldn't have to hide. My father, upon learning what I was doing (he didn't hear who I was) swore to help in any way he possibly could.

But then Pettigrew began to grow more and more distant. He spent less time with the six of us (Severus, Lily, and I had all become unofficial Marauders) and more and more time with people I knew to be Death Eaters. Even Severus knew who these people sided with, after all, he was, in a way, still one of them. He fought it. I've never seen anyone fight so hard in my life, but he fought whatever it was that made him want to give in and join them. I was sure that Pettigrew's absence was a blessing.

Miraculously enough I passed my N.E.W.T.s with flying colors. Hermione would be proud. Two weeks later, I was accepted into the Auror Academy.

Severus pleaded with me to not go. He kept telling me that it would kill me, that in two years I would die in the attack. I kept shaking him off, insisting that I'd be fine and that nothing either one of us knows can be certain anymore. After all, we've changed too much.

But Severus turned out to be right, though he was about a year and a half too late. Voldemort attacked the Auror headquarters about a month after we had all graduated. We all signed up to join the Order the second Dumbledore had come to us with the truth that it existed. We all celebrated my 20th birthday pretending that it was my 18th. Lily and James married in August, Severus and I tied the knot in September. We all went on our first missions in October. Dumbledore interviewed Trelawney for the Divination position in December. Pettigrew had been the one sitting outside of the door and had been the one thrown out. I had finally proven myself to Dumbledore. He finally believed I was who I said I was.

That was when it struck me that I hadn't changed all that much. Things were still happening the way they had before.

I continued to believe that until Dumbledore held me after one of the Order meetings.

"The prophecy," he said softly. "You said that it was about a marked man defeating Voldemort, yes?" he asked. I nodded. "That is not the prophecy I heard," he said.

"It's not?" I asked.

Dumbledore shook his head. He pulled his pensive from the cabinet in his office. A figure of Trelawney appeared and she recited the prophecy.

_"One from a time not yet to come…will journey to a time already passed…. The Marked Man will be sent to destroy…the evil that plagues this time and must do so…before he enters the world…. The Marked Man will lose…the most important…person to him…and will… find him…in the most unlikely of places…and gain him as an ally at a crucial moment…. The Marked Man must destroy the evil before he enters this world…."_

"It's still me," I said softly, "but it's different from the one she gave the first time."

"It could be that you have changed too much to allow the same future you lived to continue."

I nodded. "I already figured that out," I said softly. "Sirius, Remus, and James all look at Severus as a friend now, not as some slimy piece of goo. Not to mention that Severus said that Voldemort wouldn't attack the Auror Academy for another year or so."

"What does Severus know?"

I shrugged. "He has memories from the Severus I knew," I said. "Severus told me once that he never wanted to be a Death Eater and that if someone could have shown him that it was a bad idea, he wouldn't have listened, but he would have gotten out a lot sooner than he did."

"And what do you think this Severus will do?" Dumbledore asked me.

I sighed heavily. "I don't really know," I confessed. "He doesn't want to turn, but I know he's fighting with himself about it, but I also know that it's only a matter of time before something happens and he does. He's walking on thin ice, I see it everyday."

"Do you think this has anything to do with you being here?"

I nodded. "I think it has everything to do with my presence," I confessed. "If something should happen to me or to us, he'll turn, I know it."

"Then let us hope that you have nothing but good things happen," Dumbledore said softly, standing. I recognized it as my cue to leave. He really doesn't change too much. He does become the foolish old man he swore he would never be, but not too much changes with him.

Though, of course, that's not saying that something won't.

*

When I got home that night, it was to find that Severus was not there. Worried, I looked for a note or something he may have left behind, but I found nothing. I paced the house, wondering where he could be, when he would be coming home, and why he didn't tell me he was going out. When he did finally return, at midnight, he looked weary and exhausted.

"What happened to you?" I asked, quickly rising from the sofa and going to him at the door. "Where've you been?"

He looked at me oddly, almost as though I had no right to ask those questions, but the look quickly changed. "Nothing happened," he said, rather unconvincingly. "I was out with Sirius at the Leaky Cauldron. He's going to ask Remus to marry him."

My eyebrows shot up and I wondered if this had happened the first time around as well.

"You look exhausted," I said, wrapping my arm around his shoulders and guiding him over to the sofa. I could scarcely fail to notice he was freezing. "Your ice," I said, sitting him down next to the fire. "Are you sure nothing happened?" I asked, growing more and more worried by the second. This wasn't normal for this Severus. This was normal for the Severus that had died in my arms. This was normal for the Severus that had become a Death Eater and had missions he would never tell me about.

"I'm fine, Harry," Severus said, almost angrily. I knew that if I didn't want a fight, I needed to back off, but I couldn't help but want to ask. I knew he was lying to me, and that was not a feeling I liked.

I sighed heavily and stood. "I'm going to bed," I said softly. "We'll talk in the morning."

He reached out and grabbed my arm as I walked in front of him. "Don't kill me," he said softly. I looked down at him curiously and he pulled me back down to the sofa. "I couldn't fight it anymore," he whispered. "I couldn't…" he rolled up his left sleeve and I knew my worst fear had been realized. I felt tears burn at my eyes as I stared at the ugly red mark. I wanted to hate him. I wanted to shout at him to get out and to never return. I wanted to hit him as hard as I could.

I had never felt more betrayed in my entire life, and that includes my third year when I thought Sirius was guilty and Remus had been helping him try to kill me.

I looked up at his onyx black eyes and I saw the pain in them. "Why?" I asked angrily. "Why do this? You promised me that you would help me, Severus," I nearly yelled, standing. "This isn't helping!"

"Harry I—"

"GET OUT!" I shouted. "And don't you ever come back, because I swear to God I _will_ kill you."

He stood and locked his eyes with mine. "Harry, I love you," he said, his voice shaking. "That's why I told you. You know I've been fighting with this. The next time we meet, if you still wish it, I will let you kill me. I told you once before that the only way for me to die was with you, either by your side or by your wand."

He reached up and pulled me into one last kiss before he walked out the door. I fell apart as soon as the door shut and somehow, I knew he had just done the same. I never cried for anyone except Severus.

That was when the words of the prophecy came to me. _The Marked Man will lose the most important person to him and will find him in the most unlikely of places and gain him as an ally at a crucial moment._ Severus, how could you do this to us?

*

I ran from my grief after that. I went out in search of every Horcrux, not caring if it was actually a Horcrux now or not. I destroyed every item that Voldemort had charged to hold his soul and I did so hoping that it could possibly bring Severus back to me. I lived for the day I would find him again, the words of the prophecy haunting me as surely as he did.

I can't believe that Voldemort never noticed that his soul was slowly being destroyed. Maybe he's split it so many times that he no longer has one. He can't feel it any more. Perhaps that's why a Dementor's Kiss won't work.

We spent the next ten months trying to find him. He was as elusive as a shadow when there was a bright light that kept moving. He was there only long enough for us to find him and then he would disappear once again.

I was sent out to find him in late August when I met up with Severus again. He stood silently in front of me, his face cold and stony. I slowly walked up to him, my body aching to hold him again.

"Harry," he said softly.

"Severus," I replied.

"Do you still wish to kill me?" he asked.

"I would certainly like to," I answered, the anger building up inside of me. "But I'll never do it, no matter how mad at you I am."

"The Dark Lord's not here," he said. "I know you've been searching for him."

"And how do you know this?" I asked.

"We have our spies too," he answered. "Why else do you think you haven't found him yet?"

"Are you trying to help me or throw me off track?" I asked.

"Neither," he said softly. "You're the one who swore to kill me if you ever saw me again."

"Where's Voldemort?" I asked.

"Little Hangleton," Severus said. "In the Riddle House," he said. "Making another Horcrux."

I nodded and Disapparated.

I stared up at the Riddle House and quickly noticed that it was _not_ the same house from my dream all those years ago. I mean, it was the same house, but the lawns were still green and neatly trimmed, the house had no broken windows and the ivy that climbed the side of the house was still green, not skeletal. I looked south, toward the graveyard and saw the setting sun. As I walked up to the door, Voldemort walked out.

"You," he hissed.

"You know me?" I asked.

"You're the boy from the future," he said.

My eyebrows rose. "And who told you this?" I asked.

"You cannot stop me," he said. "Not when I have taken all of the necessary steps to stay alive forever."

"If I'm from the future, don't you think that means I have a way around whatever you've done?" I asked.

"What's so remarkable about you?" Voldemort asked, taking a step towards me. I kept my eyes on him as he walked around me, taking in my appearance. "You're just a boy."

"I have something you do not," I said, turning my back on him to prove I wasn't afraid of him. I heard the curse coming my way and ducked out of the line of fire just in time. I turned and shot a curse his way before he had a chance to register that I had moved.

He dodged my curse and sent one flying my way. I dove out of the way and the ground exploded where I had been standing.

It continued to go that way. He would fire a curse at me and I would fire one back. Eventually the gardener, Frank Bryce (if I remember correctly) came walking out to see what was going on. Voldemort shot the Killing Curse his way and the man fell dead before he even had a chance to yell.

"Yet another victim of your cruelty," I said as I shot a curse at him. My curse grazed his shoulder, slicing deep. He hissed in pain and threw a curse my way. I wasn't fast enough that time, growing tired with having to dodge out of the way so often. It was the Cruciatus that hit me. I dropped to my knees, feeling as though every nerve ending had just caught fire. I could overcome Imperious, but there was no way to shake off the Cruciatus.

I felt another curse hit me on top of what Voldemort was already doing to me and it felt as though someone had just ripped open my insides, causing even more pain than before.

I distantly heard the sound of someone shouting a curse and Voldemort crying out in pain. The curse was lifted from me and I collapsed onto the ground, panting. I heard another curse shouted before someone was roughly pulling me to my feet. I looked up only to find that Severus had come to my aid.

"Let's finish this," he said softly. I nodded and turned to Voldemort, my wand pointed at his chest. I walked closer to him, with Severus' help, and pointed my wand directly at his heart. Or, at least, where his heart would be if I actually thought he had one.

"_Avada Kedavra_," I said, my voice rough from the torture session.

"_Avada Kedavra_," Severus said, his wand also pointed at the Dark Lord. I watched as Voldemort's eyes widened momentarily before they closed. I pointed my wand at the grass at my feet and muttered another spell. I bent down and picked up Godric Gryffindor's sword. I put the tip to Voldemort's throat before I shoved the blade through to the dirt and pulled it to the side, slicing his neck in half. Nearly Headless Nick? Try Nearly Headless Dark Lord.

I pulled the sword out of the ground and shoved it through his chest as well, just to make sure that nothing would be able to bring him back.

I turned the sword into a portkey and grabbed Voldemort's cloak. "Coming?" I asked Severus. He shook his head.

"If you don't come now, you'll be thrown into Azkaban," I informed him.

He sighed and touched the hilt of the sword just before the portkey was activated and we were all sucked through space to land unceremoniously in Dumbledore's office at Hogwarts.

Dumbledore stood from behind his desk and walked around, shocked at what I had brought to him. I tapped the sword with my wand to take off the portkey spell and handed it to him. He placed it on his desk and looked first at Voldemort's body, then at Severus.

"What have we here?" he asked.

"An ex Death Eater," Severus said softly.

Dumbledore turned to me. I nodded. "If it weren't for Severus, I wouldn't have survived," I confessed.

I began to feel lightheaded and shook my head to clear the fogginess that was beginning to set in. I saw Severus give me a worried look and shook my head. "I'm fine," I said.

"Well you don't look _fine,_" he said. "You're pale," he informed me.

Dumbledore looked me over as well. "He's right, Harry," he said. "You should run down to Poppy."

I shook my head. "I'll be fine," I said hoarsely. "That duel took a lot out of me, that's all."

"Will you go down to the infirmary anyway?" Dumbledore asked. "And have Poppy come up here? Tell her I need her to help me with something."

I nodded and Severus and I walked out of the office, his hand in mine.

I looked up at him and he smirked. "You didn't kill me," he said softly.

"You saved my life," I said in reply. "And I still love you."

He chuckled and brought his other hand up to my face before he pulled me closer to him for a kiss.

His tongue brushed across my lower lip and I opened my mouth to him, the need far stronger than any sense of decency.

The sharp pain in my side caused me to pull away from him. I clutched my side as we neared the bottom of the stairs and nearly fell when another wave of pain hit me. Severus had his arm around me and guided me to the ground floor where another stab of pain _did_ send me to the floor.

"I'm going to go get Pomfrey," Severus said, his voice scared and full of worry.

"No," I grunted as another wave of pain shot through me. "Don't leave me," I hissed, holding my side.

I could see that he was torn between leaving me here to save my life and staying with me to the end of it. Finally he decided that I was going to the hospital wing no matter what I said. He picked me up and carried me up to the third floor and burst into the hospital. Pomfrey looked up at us in shock as I cried out again and my whole body seized, causing Severus to nearly drop me. She snapped out orders and Severus complied.

Pomfrey ran a series of checks as Severus ran to get the headmaster. She looked up as they both came in and sighed heavily. "There's nothing I can do, Albus," she said softly. I saw Severus pale at her words. "He's dying."

Dumbledore closed his eyes and sighed heavily. I coughed and Severus was instantly at my side.

"How long does he have?" he asked, his voice cracking.

"A month at most," Pomfrey said softly. "That's only if we're lucky. I'd give him two weeks, no more than that."

"What happened to him?"

"He's slowly bleeding to death," she answered. "His internal organs are eating themselves from the inside out. He'll be in pain, that's the only thing I can ease, and the end…"

"I'm taking him home," Severus said, his voice rough and cracking. I saw the tears in his eyes fall and I knew I wanted to spend my last days with him. I knew, in that moment, that the only way for me to die was at his side as well. I reached up and cupped his cheek with my hand. "I don't care what you say."

"Severus, you don't understand," Dumbledore said, getting in the middle of this. "Madam Pomfrey can take care of him here."

"NO!" Severus nearly yelled. "I can take care of him to," he said. "I'm his husband, for Merlin's sake!" he nearly shouted. "I should be with him, not you!"

"Albus, he's right," Poppy said softly. "Harry should be at home, where he might just die with a smile on his face."

Dumbledore sighed and looked at me. "What do you want?" he asked.

"I want to go home," I said in no more than a whisper.

*

Severus took me back to our house that night. Pomfrey had loaded us down with potions and a list of spells to help me in any way possible. I lay down that night and Severus joined me, wrapping his arms tightly around me. I fell asleep that night, oblivious to the parties the wizards of the world were having in response to the news of Voldemort's death.

*

When I opened my eyes the next morning, I didn't expect what I had seen. Pomfrey had told us that Harry would have at least a week in him. She hadn't said that he could die as early as a few hours after I got him home.

I tried in vain to wake him up for what felt like an eternity. I couldn't accept that he was dead. I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that he was this vulnerable and that I had lost so much time with him. He was cold as death and still I tried to wake him.

When I finally did realize that he had died, I broke completely. When I had left, all those months ago, I had fallen apart just outside the door and had heard him do the same inside. Nothing had been closer to causing my death than his anger, his near _hatred_ at me for what I had done. I had nearly killed myself that night, but something had told me to continue on, that one day things would be different.

When I had gotten word of his mission to find and kill the Dark Lord, I knew I could help him. I went to him and I felt alive again for the first time in ages. I told him where the Dark Lord was, knowing that he would defeat the man I had grudgingly called Master. Not wanting to wait for the answer to find me, I went to them, needing to know who the victor would turn out to be.

When I saw Harry on all fours, I couldn't help but cast the first curse to pop into my head at the Dark Lord.

When I helped Harry kill him…I knew he would take me back. I knew he could forgive me and I wanted to make sure that he thought that was a good idea.

Now to have him dead?

I couldn't take it. This was too much. I broke down and I sobbed as I had never done before. I screamed, I coughed, I hit him, trying to start his un-beating heart. I was in shambles and then the door opened.

I didn't hear it open and I didn't realize anyone had entered the room until Dumbledore placed a hand on my shoulder.

I froze and looked up at him, still crying. "He's dead," I whispered before breaking down in sobs again.

Dumbledore nodded sadly. "They're rounding up the Death Eaters now," he said softly. "You cannot stay here. Come to the school," he offered. "Come teach others so that this madness ends here."

"But if they're looking for Death Eaters…"

"They will not touch you if you are under my protection," he swore. "And I know Harry would not want you to rot in Azkaban Prison."

I looked down at the beautiful face of my fallen lover and nodded.

*

"It's kind of ironic," Sirius said softly, after Harry's funeral had ended. "Harry said you bled to death in his arms and now he bled to death in yours…"

The irony had not been lost to me. "I know," I said softly.

"He was born just last night," Sirius informed me. "31 July, 1980, just like he said he would be. James and Lily named him Harry because Harry was the one that defeated Voldemort and saved their lives. They haven't quite realized that the baby's identical to Harry."

I stayed silent, not caring if he was going to continue speaking or not. His words were killing me, but I refused to let him see that. "How long do you think it will take?"

Sirius shrugged. "If we're lucky, never," he said softy. "So what happened to you?" he asked. "Why did you turn?"

"I lost the battle," I said softly. "And ended up winning the war."

"Do you think he'll come back?" Sirius asked. "Like Harry said he did?"

I shook my head. "Not a chance," I answered. "The Horcruxes were destroyed, even the Dark Lord knew that. He went to that house to create a new one—" I froze then looked at Sirius in horror. "He created another Horcrux," I whispered. I took off running all the way over to Dumbledore, who was still at the funeral site. "Headmaster," I said urgently.

He stopped talking and turned to me. "What is it?" he asked.

"The Dark Lord created one more Horcrux before Harry and I killed him," I said.

Dumbledore nodded. "It was on his person when you brought him to my office," he said. "It has been destroyed."

"Do you think there is any way for him to return?" I asked.

Dumbledore shook his head. "I do not."

That was reassuring. From the memories I had, which have mostly faded, I can remember that Dumbledore had always thought the Dark Lord would return. I sighed heavily then turned to return to my husband's grave. _Harry Porter-Snape_ the headstone read. _Defender of the Wizarding World and Savior to Us All_

"Do you think he died because he was being born?" I asked the man walking up behind me.

"It's possible," Remus answered. "From what I know, the soul can't exist in two places at once."

"I'm teaching at Hogwarts," I informed him. "If that potion of Harry's really does exist, I'll brew it for you."

"Thank you," Remus said softly.

*

As the years went by, a sort of emptiness filled me. Everything became routine for me. At the start of the next school year, I took up the potions position and became the Head of Slytherin. I stayed in contact with the others only because I knew Harry would not like it if I completely turned away from every one and every thing we had known because I had lost him. So much had changed because of his victory over the Dark Lord. Harry grew up knowing both of his parents. Sirius and Remus married roughly three months after his death. Harry was already best friends with the Weasleys before he entered Hogwarts and when he met Draco the first time he wasn't nearly as guarded as he was in my memories.

When I saw him for the first time since he was a baby, he was entering the Great Hall for the Sorting Ceremony. He held his head high, he wasn't afraid of what he would have to do, he was proud to be a Gryffindor. I was proud of him.

Teaching him brought a sense of purpose back to my life. He was an entirely different person, yes, but I had been so to the Harry that had come back through time as well.

He came out in his sixth year. Sirius wrote me and told me about it, saying that maybe there could still be a Harry in my life. I chuckled when I'd read the letter. Sirius informed me that James had been outraged at first, shouting that they should never have named him after Harry or made Sirius his godfather, but then calmed down enough to say that he honestly didn't care. They threw a party for him, just before the start of his seventh year. They had all invited me.


	4. Part 4

_What would you do if you had the chance to go back in time and change an event, no matter how large or small? Would you save a life? Would you change the past knowing the effect such an act may have on the future? Would you be able to succeed or would a person's fate remain unchanged? Would you even try?_

The day of the party arrived and I made it to Godric's Hollow roughly twenty minutes late. I wasn't much for parties anyway, but the fact that this was the man who had died in my arms was what had driven me to attend. There was a part of me that hoped that, perhaps, this Harry could be what he was the first time around. A part of me didn't know what to think about the desire, but I couldn't deny that it was there.

They were at the back of the house. The Weasleys had all gathered, Sirius, Remus, a few of Harry's friends from school, his brothers, and his parents. I was the last to arrive.

James looked up as I walked through the gate. "Severus!" he said with a wave. "We didn't think you'd show."

I smirked. "I almost didn't," I said smoothly.

"Grab a drink," Sirius said. "This is a party for all of us."

"All of us?" Harry asked, turning to his godfather confused.

"Sev's gay too," James said, handing me a Butterbeer. I sent him a glare at the play on my name and he chuckled. "Sorry," he said. "_Severus._"

"You're gay too?" Harry asked me in shock.

I nodded. "I was married to the man you're named after," I informed him.

"Harry Porter?" Harry asked.

I shook my head. "Harry Potter," I answered.

"Severus, don't!" Sirius said suddenly.

I looked at him. "Why not?" I asked. "The three of us know. Shouldn't James and Lily know how close they came to death? Shouldn't Harry know that he nearly became an orphan?"

"Severus, what are you talking about?" James asked.

Suddenly I realized what I was doing. I realized what had driven me to come here today. I realized what I was doing and why. I hoped that with the truth I could have a second chance.

I froze. "Nothing," I said, shaking my head. I put the Butterbeer down on the picnic table unopened and turned away. I was nearly to the gate when Sirius ran over to me.

"What do you think you're doing?" he hissed, turning me around.

"What would you do?" I asked darkly. "If you were where I am?"

"I would keep my bloody mouth shut, that's what I would do," Sirius said. "Harry is _seventeen,_ Severus. _Seventeen._ He is _not_ the same man you married.'

"Yes he is!" I hissed. "He's got the same goddamn body, the same voice, the same eyes! He's got the same soul!" I could feel tears burning at my eyes and I suddenly knew how Harry had felt when he had seen me for the first time. "God," I cried, looking away from Sirius. "Why did you all invite me here?" I asked, looking back up at him.

"It was James' idea," Sirius informed me.

"What was my idea?" James asked, walking up to us. "And what were you talking about back there? How close did Lil and I come to death? How close did Harry come to being an orphan?"

Sirius sighed heavily and hung his head.

"What do you know?" James asked. The question was directed more at Sirius than it was to me.

"Harry was your son," Remus said, also joining us. "The Harry we knew in school was your son."

James shook his head. "That's not possible," James said. "He was seventeen when we met him."

"Nineteen, actually," I said. "He was sent back in time to do what he did," I continued. "In the future he came from, Voldemort killed you and Lily Halloween the year after he was born. Harry was raised by Lily's sister and her family, and he hated every minute of it. He was neglected and abused and when he came to Hogwarts he was just like you in every way but one. He was never as reckless, arrogant, or commanding as you were. I thought he was just like you and I hated him for it for the first five years I knew him. When he was seventeen we started dating. I died in his arms. He came back to when we met him a month later. You know the rest from there."

"The question is, how do you?" James asked.

"I had a plan," I said, remembering saying the words to Harry. "When I die, my thoughts and memories would be passed to my eighteen year-old self. I had wanted to know what being a Death Eater meant before I became one. That was why it took so long for me to turn," I said.

"Why did you turn anyway?" James asked.

"I lost the battle," I said, repeating what I had said to Sirius all those long years ago. "I ended up winning the war."

"You helped Harry win," James said. "For that you have my respect. However, if I ever hear you speak about my son being your dead husband again, I will not be held responsible for my actions. Harry is dead, Severus. He has been for seventeen years. Get over it and stop pretending that you can have him back."

"Use Legilimency," I said. "You're good at it, I've seen you. Use Legilimency on me, right here, right now. I'll show you the proof."

"Severus, there's no point," Remus said softly. "James won't believe it unless he sees them standing next to each other."

"I have a picture," I said suddenly, reaching in my robes for it. I handed the picture to James. It was Harry and I on our wedding day. I saw James' face change as he realized that they looked identical. He shook his head. "That's not possible," he whispered. "That is not my son."

"James," Sirius said, "I'm your brother. You know I'd never lie to you. I heard the story too. I didn't believe it at first either, but then Remus and Severus both made me believe it. We would never have found out Pettigrew was a Death Eater if Harry hadn't been there. What if Voldemort would have killed you and Lil? Then Harry would have gone to his aunt and uncle because I would have done something stupid and landed myself in Azkaban. Think, James. Where are the holes in the story?"

"Don't forget: he knew I was a werewolf and we never told him," Remus added.

James shook his head again and handed me the photograph. "It's still not possible."

"Then explain why Harry died the night your son was born," I said. "Tell me why. We all know that the soul cannot be in two places at once and the weaker of the two bodies will die. My husband was near death. He died so that your son would live. Don't you dare tell me that it's not him."

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

All four of us turned to see Harry standing there. Harry took a step towards us, looking bewildered. "Are you telling me that I went back through time and killed Voldemort?" he asked. "And that I was married to _you?_"

I nodded.

"Show me," he said.

I sighed heavily before I looked up at James. "Are you willing to see as well?" I asked.

He sighed and nodded. "I need to know for sure," he said. He raised his wand and pointed it at me. "Ready?" he asked. I nodded. "_Legilimens_" he said softly.

The memories flushed out as though a dam had just been opened. I saw everything from the first time I had talked to Harry—a conversation I let James see—to places I was not willing to share, such as the night he died (and other things that happened when the lights were off…), and my Death Eater past. When he released control, we were both out of breath.

"Holy shit," he said, breathing hard.

"Dad?" Harry asked.

Bewildered, James turned to his son and nodded. "It's true," he whispered. "It's all bloody true."

That was when Harry's eyes met mine and I felt everything I had ever felt for him hit me all over again at once. Something changed in his eyes and I knew it would happen all over again. Before I really knew what I was doing, I had turned and left, not wanting to be near the man I considered my soul mate.

*

When he came back to school for his seventh year, he came to me. I was sitting in my office, grading papers, and he had come in unannounced. I looked up as he shut the door and my heart rate skyrocketed. "Yes?" I asked. I hadn't seen him since the party and I wasn't sure what he would do. He didn't even have my class.

"I knew," he said softly. "I knew there was something…" he sighed in frustration and looked torn between walking out and sitting down. "I've always felt some sort of connection to you," he confessed. "I didn't know what it was. I guess…I always kind of hoped you were gay," he said, taking a step closer to me. "I couldn't figure out why—I thought maybe it was just a crush or something. What I heard at the party…it all makes sense," he said. "Everything fits. I understand now. A part of me has always felt that this isn't right. In fact, I almost didn't come back this year even after making Head Boy. It just doesn't feel right. It feels like there's something missing. Do you know what I mean?"

I nodded. "In the future we're not living, Dumbledore was killed last June," I said. "The school was closed and soon destroyed. By that time, you and I had…we were together. I died when you were nineteen and you went back in time, dying when I was twenty. I know exactly how you feel, Harry," I said.

"Age is just a number, right?" he asked, taking another step closer to me.

I shook my head. "Not while you're a student," I said softly.

"Then I'll drop out!" he cried.

"No," I said firmly. "First of all, your father would never forgive me for that. Second, I hear you want to be a professional Quidditch player. Do you honestly think they'll look at a drop out?" I asked. "Finish the year. Anything between us can wait—after all, it's been waiting for seventeen years."

He shook his head. "I can't wait," he said softly. "I don't want to." I sighed and closed my eyes. "Harry, you don't understand. If anything happens between us, we'll both suffer the consequences."

Harry let out a sound of frustration mixed with protest. He quickly crossed the distance between himself and me only to pull me into a kiss. "I. Don't. Care," he said softly. "All I want is you."

Having not felt anything for anyone for the last sixteen years, I could not stop myself from taking Harry's lips with mine for the second time.

It wasn't until my brain caught up with my body that I realized what was happening. I hastily shoved Harry away, leaving him both hurt and confused, and walked over to the wall. I stared at it, unseeing, for what felt like an eternity before I turned back to him. I swallowed the growing lump in my throat before I spoke. "This cannot happen," I said, trying to convince myself just as much as I was Harry. "Not until you've graduated. Your father is a friend of mine and he would kill me if he knew I was the reason you dropped out or were expelled," I said. "Since he is your guardian and can do something to keep you away from me, I am not willing to risk that. Were you out of school, I would gladly go where you are asking me to go," I said softly. "Until that time, however, I beg you, do _not_ ask me to do this. I can't keep saying no and the day I stop is the day we suffer."

"We already suffer," Harry said softly. For a second, I could have sworn I was looking at the man I had married, rather than the seventeen year-old who just so happened to be the exact same person.

"I know," I said softly, returning to my desk. I sat down heavily and looked up at him, the longing and need lodging itself in a tight knot somewhere in the pit of my stomach. At that moment I would have given anything to have him back in my arms, but the consequences of those actions weighed heavily in my mind. I couldn't allow myself to give in to my desires when I knew that it could cost both my life and job and ruin his dreams. I would not be the one to strip him of his right to be whatever he wanted to be.

He walked over to me again and sat on the edge of my desk. He reached for my hand and held it as he stared at the stone floor at his feet. "Dad knows…he knows that there's no stopping me," he said softly. "He knows that, since something between us happened before, it's likely to happen again. Sirius and Remus both say that it will. They told me, right before term started, what I was like then. They said it was like I was two different people and that it was hard for them to believe I was the same person they had gone to school with. Am I really that different?" he asked. "The Harry that went back in time and the one sitting here…are we really two different people?"

I sighed. "Yes and no," I said softly. "Yes because you never had to face the same horrors that your other self did, and no because you have the same beliefs and ideals and you love the same things. You're different physically in one aspect only. You do not have a lightning bolt-shaped scar on your forehead, like he did. Your lives have walked different paths, and yet you are the same man. You have taught me, time and time again, that it doesn't matter what life brings, we are the same."

"We?" Harry asked, looking up at me at last.

I nodded. "The biggest problem between Harry and I in the past was that I had not yet faced the horrors in my life that he had known me to. Because I chose a different path this time around, I was a different person to him, as you are to me. Yet we are still the same as they knew us as. You are the same Harry I knew sixteen years ago. I am the same Severus you knew in a different future."

Harry sighed. "I still don't really understand it," he said softly, "and a part of me refuses to believe it, but…it all makes sense, you know?" he asked. I nodded. "Knowing that I was married to you…it makes sense to me because for the longest time, you were the one in my dreams. You still are," he confessed. "And hearing you tell me no, not now, it's…it's like you're denying a part of me and making me only half of myself. I feel like I'm only half alive," he confessed.

"I feel the same," I said softly, the words escaping me before I knew what they were.

There was a knock on my door before it opened and the headmaster walked in. Harry let go of my hand as he turned to see who the new entrant was. He froze slightly before he stood, looking guilty.

"Mr. Potter, would you please excuse us?" the headmaster asked. Harry quickly fled the room. Dumbledore looked at me curiously once the door had shut. "What did I interrupt?" he asked.

"Me telling my student that, despite our very chaotic pasts, there would be nothing until he graduated."

"He really is the very same Harry, isn't he?" the headmaster asked, sitting at my desk.

I nodded. "Yes, he is," I answered.

"And you told him no?"

I nodded. "There are rules, Headmaster," I said.

"You're married," he said.

I looked at him confused. "What?" I asked. "But Harry died."

Dumbledore shook his head. "The Harry you were married to died after this one was born," he informed me. "Contrary to popular belief, the soul _can_ exist in two places at the same time. Therefore, you were married to the baby as well as the man. Harry Potter is your husband, especially since the name on your marriage license is Harry Potter, not Porter."

"What are you saying?" I asked.

"That you and Mr. Potter _can_ be together while he is in school," Dumbledore informed me. "I came here to tell you that very thing, actually."

I raised my eyebrows, doubtful. "Is that all?" I asked.

Dumbledore chuckled. "You know me very well, Severus," he said softly, amusement in both his eyes and his voice. "I'm offering you a promotion."

"What?" I asked, shocked.

"It has finally occurred to me that I am getting rather old for this job and I will step down when the year is through. I am asking both you and Minerva to consider taking over for me. Minerva, being the Assistant Headmistress at this school for nearly as many years as I have been Headmaster, is considering becoming the Headmistress. I would like you to think about becoming the Assistant Headmaster. Although you disagree quite often, I know you will work well with each other."

I stared at him in shock. "You want me to become Assistant Headmaster?" I asked.

"Or Headmaster, depending on Minerva's choice. She informed me when I approached her about the job that she was also thinking of retiring."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Are you sure about this?" I asked. "Surely there are other professors who are more worthy of this honor than I am," I said.

Dumbledore smiled as he usually did. "Is that a no then?" he asked.

"No," I said. "I am merely wondering where you lost your head."

He chuckled. "I haven't the foggiest," he said. "Consider it, Severus. You have a year."

I nodded and he stood. "Shall I send Harry back to you?" he asked. "So that you may tell him of your situation?"

Unable to process all of the sudden information of the last hour, I don't know whether I nodded or shook my head. Either way, Dumbledore left and I was alone with the thoughts that confused me.

*

Harry did not come back that day, or the next, or even the one after that. In fact, a week passed before his presence graced my office once more.

"You've been avoiding me," I said without looking up as he opened the door. I didn't know how, but I always knew who was entering my office before I looked up at them. I looked up then and saw him standing frozen. "Why?" I asked.

He quickly recovered and walked over to the chair in front of me. He sat down and shrugged. "Well, with things the way they are…I just…I don't know."

I chuckled at his nervousness, then felt my own creep up on me. I was about to tell him what the headmaster had told me and I wasn't sure how he would react.

"You know I was married to you before, yes?" I asked. He nodded. "It has recently come to my attention that you and I are as well."

"What?" Harry asked, shocked. "How?"

"He died _after_ you were born. The name on our marriage license is the one he was born with, not the alias he went by back then. That contract binds me to him, therefore it binds me to you, and vice versa. Because of that, my reasons for saying no the last time we talked are now null and void."

"Oh," he said softly. "You know, mum and dad aren't going to be too thrilled about me being married before I was born…"

"If you want, I'll file for a divorce."

He shook his head, surprising me. "Don't," he said softly. I felt my eyebrows rise in curiosity. "Why?" I asked.

He sighed heavily and shifted, clearly nervous. "I don't want you to," he said softly. "Especially if it means that I can…I mean _we_ can…" his voice trailed off and that was when I realized that he was where I had been all those years ago with Harry.

"You've never done this before, have you?" I asked. He blushed and shook his head. I had always loved it when Harry blushed. Now I had the chance to see it again. I smirked recognizing the feelings and stood. He looked up at me curiously as I walked to the door at the back of my office. "Come," I said softly, holding the door open.

He walked into my room and he looked around as though he were trying to take in everything all at once. He walked around and stopped when he reached the mantle. There was a picture of Harry and I on our wedding day there. I watched as Harry reached up and touched his forehead where the scar was located once upon a time. He turned around and looked at me. "That's what I looked like?" he asked. I nodded. "That's what you do look like," I said softly. He shook his head and looked back. "No, it's different," he said softly.

"Age, perhaps?" I asked softly, walking up behind him. I reached out from behind him and picked up the picture frame. "He was twenty-one when this was taken," I said. "I was nineteen. It was around the time your parents got married." I sighed heavily. "I became a Death Eater roughly two years later and then came to his rescue the day before you were born. He died later that night, after you were born."

"You were a Death Eater?" Harry asked, looking up at me in shock. I sighed heavily and put the picture back on the mantle. "I was," I said softly. "And it's not something I'm proud of." I turned to the sofa and sat down. "I regret every second of it because it was one that he was mad at me or that he hated me or that he wasn't there."

"Why did you turn?" he asked, sitting next to me.

I sighed. "It was my nature," I said softly. "I fought against it for so long. We had problems, as I said before, I wasn't the Severus he had known and that got in the way. One day I simply had enough and I went to one of my House mates. She took me to become a Death Eater and I lived a double life until it became too much. I told Harry, he…he kicked me out, and then I helped him. I told him where Voldemort was and he went to destroy him. I showed up, knowing something was wrong…. I don't know what it was that killed him, but it was something Voldemort had done to him."

"You Know Who did something to me?" Harry asked. "I mean him?"

"No, you're right," I said. "He did something to you. There was a curse he cast at some point that caused Harry to bleed to death internally. I find it rather ironic. He told me that in his future I had bled to death in his arms, and then he bled to death in mine…"

"So what happens this time?" Harry asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know," I said softly. There was bliss in that knowledge. The fact that I didn't know what was going to happen made me feel safer than when I did know what the future would bring. I could look toward tomorrow and feel anticipation, rather than dread. I could look toward the future and not be able to see a thousand bad and horrible things that had not yet come to pass. For once, I could look toward the years to come with hope.

"Then what happens now?" Harry asked softly.

I sighed heavily and pulled him closer to me. "Whatever we want," I said softly before kissing him.


End file.
